Monologue

'I should not have thought that way. I am well aware of its adverse effects, I know its poison, I should not have thought that way.'

'What have I become? Since when am I thinking like this? Since when did the venom seeps in? This is terrible, this is insane. Am I turning into a villain? Is it time? '

'I want to be. I cannot accept failure, or else I'll go crazy. I should be better than this, and I am.'

'But am I? If I am what I claimed I will not be here struggling. I will experience inner peace. But no I am not. I am struggling.'

'I want it. I don't care. I must have it. If even he can have it then why can't I? I am better, faster, stronger, and whatnot. No way I can lose this.'

'I will do this and do that. I scheme and plot. I will have order. I must.'

'After all, there is no good and evil in this world. There is only power, and those too weak to take it. I can take it, and I will. I can do this. '

'Eventually I will have it, and no one will.'

'But is that it? I win? Did I really win? What did I win? Will it make me happier? Will it satisfy me, or will it only create a larger void, to be filled with more? '

'I said that I am better. Doesn't responsibility comes with greater power? My energies should be directed to doing good, helping people, not serving myself and my selfish desires!'

'Wait. I cannot do this. It's against the code. My code. The Bible's. I cannot think like this too. It's wrong. It's bitter, and it's evil.'

'But I can't let go. I relish it. I adore it. It must be mine, and mine only.'

'Oh God...where do I strike a balance? Is there even one? Or I am doomed to this for ever?'