Upside Down

'You're a wife now. You're going to be a mother soon. Grow up! '

With these words, followed by a slam of the door, the mother was off and gone.

Leaving her confused daughter.

She sat down slowly to reconsider her next options, seeing as how the best one had blasted its head off, and her's as well.

Actually, she already knew what must be done. What's not certain is the people who are going to carry out this out. She never paid much attention to her neighbours, save for polite 'hi's and a facade smile. Neither do they. That's the way things are between the two linked houses.

And now that she is going to need their help, she is unsure of securing it, her heart questioning whether she deserves their help or not.

None of her usual friends, or even family, can do stuff like this. She is going to need someone, someone who understands the mechanism of society, not her usual loud and rowdy pals. They can't do shit, and her husband is too young for this. They are both in this together, neither of much help to their spouses.

He is not beside her now, but in scenarios like this, it is better to sit down and think peacefully, rather than having him dismissing her worries and caressing her and ending up making love. Love will not get them out of this mess, only people with credibility and position.

She will meet them the first thing tomorrow, when they are going to work. Her husband does not have to know. There he is now, smelling of cigarettes and liquor. Tonight is going to be a wild one again, but she stood up to welcome him with open arms, her night dress slipping of her young shoulders...

The next day, she saw the couple walking out of their house, on the way to their daily routine. She called out to them in a rather awkward manner, not being accustomed to talking beyond polite boundaries.

The couple listened quietly at first, while she fumbled for words to say about her predicament. She wondered at the difficulty of doing this. Now she began to understand why it is such a forbidding thing, or even a taboo in society to be in a position like her. The faces of the couple are everything but cheerful, anything but frivolous. Her stumbling upon words did nothing to ease the tension growing.

There was a brief silent when all was quiet.

The man spoke, a frown shaping, and assured her that he will look into it. The woman consoled her, while trying and failing to smile in her usual manner. She was filled with a curios gratitude, and left the vicinity as fast as she can, leaving the two grave-looking people staring at her back, and then each other.

Back in the safety of her house, she reflected what happened. She has no doubts that they will help her in this matter. After all, people like them are supposed to help clean up the mess of her people. But like all human beings, the natural instinct to gossip and criticise is ever present, and she wondered about the things they might say. Probably something like 'not finishing school' , 'get pregnant before marriage' , and 'still very young...' .

Then Again...

Finished the last paper of Law today, Tort. Relieved? Maybe not.

Exams are a peculiar period of transitory time. Especially with the CIE timetables dragging on so long. But I am not complaining. More time to cover up grey areas is not to be compromised.

My life took on a unpleasantly shocking turn following a most sensational escape. I shall not mention it here for obvious reasons, but the feelings that followed surely is rocking. A concoction of emotions, opinions, and mixed with guilt. I would say that this is a most awful blend to drink, and most probably this is why no one is drinking it.

I pray that lost sheeps will be found, and that one day we will rejoice.

I pray that balance is in place, so that the forces are reconciled and there will be peace.

I pray that negative feelings will be whisked away, and life is full and meaningful again.

Dawg

I noticed that pictures are seriously wanting in this blog. Funny enough, since I am quite a photo person.

Nothing much to say here. What that is needed to be said has been conveyed.

Achieving calmness and serenity in life is an uphill task. Actually it is a simple thing. I take my dog out for a walk.

A fine day it was, and after the rain too. Air was cool, sun was shying behind clouds. The smell of wet grass mixed with humid mud had this tranquillising effect on me. Fang's bladder was loaded, so the two of us went for a walk, something I have not done in quite a while. I took my camera along, just in case.

Fang had his nose sticked to the ground for most of the walk; only on certain occasions he looked up at his surroundings, or to throw me a happy glance. Walking beside him is peace, at that particular hour, despite the wait for him to let it out.

I looked at the place. This is my neighbourhood. I remember trying to cycle here, on this road, without my hands. I failed of course, and my tuition books spilled out onto the road. That was the last time I fell, and I learnt how to cycle the 'cool' way, ie hands off.

I remember the field. I guess I had lots of practice here, running and jumping and avoiding slippers in a 'Cili' game. I played football with a few Indian friends, and we still talk to this day. This field was my game, and it gives me what I have today. And every time it rains, the fields became like paddy fields. Hah...

Fang finally let it all out. Guess that's the call to go back, to go back..

At least we had some time together, just the two of us, eh Fang? Though you're a dog instead of a chick... hmm... =)

Time

What was I thinking?

I have been off my track again, this time it was something I thought I was immune to. It is quite an irony, to think one to be invincible and immune, when all you really are is vulnerable. Then again, presumptions can really be a burden to bear, and life is so much easier without it, honestly. It brings along expectations, grows into tension, and when it overwhelms the heart, everything just spills, and back to square one.

I have to realise that now is not the time. No question about it, but the change it brought along in this short lapse of time is terrifying me. I shudder to think what will follow up, and whether it will break or make me. No matter how vehemently I try to deny, it changes things, subjective ones, and that can be a real nightmare if its progress is not halted in the nick of time.

Live to serve another day dude. Or maybe die another day.

Forever?

This post is going to offend a number of people. It might slap me in my own face in the near future.. But it is hard to keep silent and I really want to let this out.

I have spoken on this topic a few times, and I have tried to alter my approach towards it so as not to sound boring. Literally, those who have been following my blog will know that I touched on this a lot, perhaps a little too much.

Whatever next is only aimed at the world I see and observed and understand.

I don't know if it's just me, but I get the creeps when lovers say to each other: I'll love you forever. I just naik bulu roma. Is it the hypocrisy, that prompted me to react this way? Or is it the fickleness of this powerful statement, and the collateral damage it can cause, that scares me?

On the surface, the sentence sounds fine and all. Everything is fine as long as I love you. We will get through this mess with our love, and our love only. 'This stuff is difficult, but it's real...' - Love Story, Taylor Swift.

Everywhere this mantra rings. It's not just him, it's her as well. They both think that their 'It' is really going to last for ever. And they are both 18. They 'love' each other 'deeply' . Yes, they think they are going to marry and have kids.

Like I said, I am going to offend people. Already there are voices of dissents.

How can forever be so sure? How can forever be in the beg that easily?

For youngsters who are 18 and below, or maybe above that, it is most likely that they say this in the heat of moment. The love is so palpable that it prompts them to say things which outweigh themselves.

I don't know what to say. It seems rather obvious to me, and to themselves later on, when the relationship is let go. Then they go on and say the 'forever' thing to another person. Sheesh.

Cow and donkey, cow and donkey. Ohh...

Serious

When life is empty, so is the blog that tells the story..

Ok, so examinations are officially here now. Next Monday. Wonder whether am I prepared...

A short post to remind people I am still here, breathing. Sounds like someone, the verb appearing here...

T_T

Fickleness

I wanted to type this post in Mandarin, having not blogged in my mother tongue before. But a change of mind and here I am.

Fickle. Just like Man's nature and mind. The mind is a slave to the heart, and the heart the mother to all selfish desires and sinful lust.

I am not here to condemn anyone. The world is overwhelmed with stings that kills the spirit and dries up the bones. No, I am trying to reserve such sentiments to the confine of this site, only available to those who seek it and try to understand it.

I am a guy. For reasons best known to the Creator, my feelings and thoughts are often underdeveloped, even when I am older. Sentiments and capricious emotions are puzzling to a male's mind. This feature greatly affects our way of looking at things, and our interpretation of things perceived. Logic seems to dictate our mind's operations, though with varying degree. The heart's role is very much limited relatively, when compared to our female correspondent. There is, as I see it, no clear distinction of advantages and disadvantages, and degrading into arguments of this sort will only defeat the purpose of the Creator.

For a guy, in my opinion, things are best when they are easy. Logic is easier as the male's eyes perceive. Things happen for a reason, and that reason, no matter how elusive, should be brought out into the light for all to see. No male will sit and try to understand something as complicated as the heart and her Pensieve. Different things matter differently to males and females as well. Males tend to emphasize on power and status, while women are quite happy to sit and chat and use their feelings and words to create a connection. That is not how a man with the right male hormones operates.

The trouble to point all these out, when it is actually quite obvious for all to see, is the problems that these differences may create, especially when they are treated as liabilities instead of characteristics to be cherished. A most straightforward example will be communication between the two sex, where interpretation plays a most significant role. And they occur again and again, on a daily basis, all around you and me, unless some great sage with transcending knowledge of both parties drops from the sky and offers wisdom.

Perhaps that is why most people will happily label their relationship ordeal as 'It's Complicated'.

As I see it, these differences should not be treated as hindrances to a healthy relationship. The only obstacle that stands between the chasm is the parties themselves. A guy may simply or even rudely dismiss his female friends as being stupid and ridiculous when he fails to understand their reaction. A girl may retaliate by thinking that the guy is immature, and is a 'jerk', and whatnot. Both are stubborn in their own ways, and their arrogance leads to ignorance, which blinds them. Is it not important, to try and understand, to try and tolerate? Why insist on your rights when you are infringing others? Why the stubborn persistence, when no cardinal principles of life and death is in place?

Tolerance. Patience. Understanding. Equation. Relation.

It's a pity when things just do not work out, or turn an ugly turn. But then again, if things are not ugly enough, humans will never learn from their own mistakes, and forget about repentance. A punch in the stomach, or a slap on the cheek, is always good remedy for a stubborn person in a tight situation.

P/S: This whole thing is laughable, especially to matured animals. Still...

They cannot befriend,

They gotta follow the trend

So they can blend

With the couples at the end.