Objectively Tired

在你身后

感觉就像一条透明的抛物线

当它下遂

再美的童话也会失去感觉

It's not about the lyrics up there, it's about the mood of the song. Tired, disappointed, and tired.

When the eyes see without looking. When the legs walk without knowing where to go. When the heart beats for nobody.

It's just that, being the objective one is really not easy at all, not one bit. I am tired. Tired of having to decipher things and show to those who may be concerned. Tired of seeing things and ultimately, disappointed when you're not there to share it with.

It seems so silly, having to toe the line of life. This rings true especially when a life of desire and passion is the main theme. How long could one go against this tide? It does not matter; weariness eventually sets in and that's it. Giving up sounds great at that point.

All of it is so frustrating. I don't know what to believe anymore. Or who. Nothing seems to be right. Everything seems to be fine running on their own. I want to follow myself. My tempo. My mood. My everything. Can I? I really want to, I feel it strongly so.

I'm just tired of having to be the objective one. I'm just sick of being the one who tolerates and gives way. I'm just weary, no strength left in my legs to follow your steps. I'm just freaking exhausted of having to be alone in facing everything; no one to identify, no one to empathise, no one to be there for me.

As the days go by, the weariness grows stronger. Of course it grows. How could it not, when the fruits of endurance is distasteful and totally not what what I want? I am not rewarded for this by anything or anyone. If divine reward exist, it has eluded me. I find no reconciliation, no comfort, only a growing number of battles to be fought by myself. My armour is rusty, my sword blunt, and my limbs are reluctant. The heart screams to yield.

People and people, there is no God, nor fear of Him. I feel so tired, I feel like not caring anymore, because the one who always seems to be at the receiving end of pain and hurt, is those who care. Me.