I get it

I get it.

Ever since its entry, life has never been the same. That’s nothing particular; change is the only constant thing in most lives. But it certainly is different now.

Its difference I cannot describe acutely; being part of it is this disadvantage. The neutral, undisturbed, silent observer always has the benefit of seeing things revolve, and the people who play the drama get their lines out.

Once I said this: I used to fight my place into the script; now I quietly accept my exile. The centre is fast becoming the periphery. It is pointless to note its value or right and wrong. Rather, what should be focused is the benefit that comes from the change.

I have allowed myself to stray and soften. Perhaps I foresaw it, but I was nevertheless, curious and adventurous. It was reasonably foreseeable, the difficulty is not intimidating. I allowed the temperature to turn a few degrees higher, and ever since then I have been subjected to its endless petulant disturbance and distraction. There are, of course, certain short and crisp sweet feelings in between, but now is not the time. The temptation of friends and world had had overwhelmed me, and it is now happening again, a course of broken hearts and regrets.

The time has come for command and control. Enough that my defence is stifling. Offence with measure is the novelty now. The smile is no longer necessary, but it should come at a natural pace. The heart opens at time’s invitation, time, an old and familiar fickle friend. Why should a smile conceal pain, the pain being the culprit of future reckless destruction. Tell the pain to its face that it has no place here, nor there, and it will flee. There is much courage and toughness needed, and never easy, especially when addressed to a reluctant and unwilling audience, who prefer the old hurting ways. Tough times do not outlast tough people; it is the other way around.

Surely, after spending time in the previous mentality, it takes time to adjust back into the old ways. Better ways. There is too much softness, too much sappiness, and they must be departed from. I am confident, in God, that they will return some other time.